There's always a gap before entering a new chapter.
Turn the page.
Re center your eyesight on the message.
Recently I traveled to Austin to finish a full length Alt/Country record I started in early 2022. I played a songwriter festival, and a few other shows around town. My network has dwindled. My performances were not great. On my two day drive home I felt exhausted, moody, scared, let down.
I have a habit of holding things up high and developing more meaning around them than what's actually sustainable.
I'm sitting with the songs, and, again, I'm letting go.
I'm letting go of the ideas I have held about them over the past year and a half. A realization I keep having is, no matter what I do, or how far it seems I've come, I'm always just right here.
It's just me.
I'm the same as I've ever been, albeit with deepening understanding and experience, but I'm the same. How, I wonder, is that going to carry where I believe in my heart that it will?
The answer I'm hearing from my guidance within?
By letting it.
I would say my greatest obstacle to following my true path is my own opinion about myself.
Who is that in there? The one demanding perfect pitch, the “right” songs? All the best angles? Well, who or whatever the fuck it is, it makes me feel bad about where I am in this moment. BUT IT'S WHERE I AM. Why should I feel bad about that. It's a liar. I've tested it.
I do know that when I look at that part of myself from a compassionate perspective, I can see what it's trying to do. It's trying to save me. In that way its job is to poke holes in what I'm doing before anyone else does.
But the truth?
Nobody else is even interested in poking holes. They just want to see the creation. They want to hear the song, see the picture, watch the video. And if they are interested in poking holes, it's probably because they're listening to their own shitty version of the thing inside that's trying to poke holes before someone else does.
So what happened this week?
I played an open mic with one of my very dear songwriter friends who I haven't seen play music in a long time. I made some new connections, too.
Brandon Greathouse - GR8 - is a rapper and producer living here, in Truckee, came to the open mic and performed his original music, and it was elevated, joyful, inspiring, and it totally landed with me.
We exchanged info and got together last week and made a song. In an hour.
The process invited me to stop overthinking. I didn't have time to second guess. He was so encouraging, and he just kept helping to propel me toward the next line. Now the chorus. Now the finished track.
When I came home, I thought of it as a rough draft.
I showed it to my partner, who told me immediately to post it. Release it. Give it up.
I didn't believe him.
Then my longtime songwriter friend said the same.
Then I started to hear it from that perspective. What if it is kinda good? Not because it's perfectly crafted, but because it's not.
What if I embellished that? What if the version of this song is so special because it just hasn't been handled too much? What if it's perfect in its imperfection?
Same thought process. It's not enough. It's too small. It's imperfect.
Let me go. Those are the words of the song.
I don't think too hard, I don't wanna fall apart, and almost as an afterthought, reminding myself again, I don't think too hard.
Welcome back. Every step is new, and you're doing what you want, how you want to do it. You're inviting back all the aspects of yourself who love you as you are, and truly want you to be yourself.
Beautiful AS IS.
Okay. Thank you.